Starlings in Winter by Mary Oliver
Chunky and noisy,
but with stars in their black feathers,
they spring from the telephone wire
they are acrobats
in the freezing wind.
And now, in the theater of air,
they swing over buildings,
dipping and rising;
they float like one stippled star
becomes for a moment fragmented,
then closes again;
and you watch
and you try
but you simply can’t imagine
how they do it
with no articulated instruction, no pause,
only the silent confirmation
that they are this notable thing,
this wheel of many parts, that can rise and spin
over and over again,
full of gorgeous life.
Ah, world, what lessons you prepare for us,
even in the leafless winter,
even in the ashy city.
I am thinking now
of grief, and of getting past it;
I feel my boots
trying to leave the ground,
I feel my heart
pumping hard. I want
to think again of dangerous and noble things.
I want to be light and frolicsome.
I want to be improbable beautiful and afraid of nothing,
as though I had wings.
Anne looked for Tess in the everyday. At first, it was the strong breeze at Tess’ funeral on an otherwise calm day. How beautiful the cherry blossoms rained on them. The grievers, the grief-stricken, the heart-broken, the lost. Cherry blossoms floating, flying through the air, landing on their jackets, settling in their hair.
Are you the tenacious breeze Tess? You made yourself known again. It was a beautiful display of your all-encompassing presence. Bursts of lightning and hail at Red Rocks while Grace and Anne watched the Avett Brothers sing holding out hope the storm would pass. And then it did pass. You pushed out the weather and revealed the stars. We sang and danced.
Months later an enormous dragonfly landed on Anne’s mailbox, her tiny head facing the house as if ignoring the world. She refused to leave. Anne poked at it. Nothing but a slight movement in the wing.
What’s wrong with it, Mama?
I’m not sure. How do you explain a living thing desiring to stay when it knows it would be best to leave? You don’t. Some things are unexplainable.
Fall came and so did the dead bird. The bird lay on the stone steps outside of Anne’s house, wings to the ground, its underbelly exposed to the sky, bright white, her tail feathers ombre shades of pale blue. A single leaf-covered her head as if she were part of a crime scene. Anne stared at it for a few seconds before the kids came out of the house, backpacks in hand ready to go to school.
Mama, what happened?
Can we have a funeral for it?
Not now. Get in the car. We are late.
Later that day they did have a funeral for the bird. Not really. The kids lost interest and just wanted Anne to get rid of it. Except for her older son. He handed Anne the shovel after a failed attempt at digging a hole into the semi-frozen ground. Anne forced the shovel through the frosted ground, raising the handle above her head and coming down as hard as she could breaking through the ground. Over and over again. Anne’s heart pumped hard. She could feel it. Tears welled but never spilled over. Anne gently placed the bird in the ground and covered her with the earth.
I’m glad we planted her there, Mama. He walked into the house and closed the door. If only we could plant the things we love and loose and eventually they come back in the spring blooming once again.
The last visitor was a ladybug. She landed on Anne’s hand at some point without Anne noticing. It wasn’t until Anne lifted the toilet brush out of the now clean toilet that Anne spotted her. How strange. Anne walked down the creaky old stairs. The ladybug was still sitting on her hand. She opened the front door and blew as if blowing out birthday candles. She flew away.
Did you make a wish?
Anne didn’t forget. She wished for peace. Not world peace. That won’t happen. But peace in her crippled heart. Peace in the heart she felt beating, once again, after a long silence, when she buried the bird.
Chocolate Orange Olive Oil Cake
Recipe adapted from Simple Cakes by Odette Williams
1 + ½ cups of unbleached all-purpose flour
½ cup unsweetened Dutch-processed cocoa powder
1 tablespoon of baking powder
½ teaspoon of kosher salt
½ teaspoon espresso powder
3 eggs, at room temperature
1 + 1/3 cups of sugar
¾ cup of mild extra virgin olive oil
½ cup of whole milk
½ cup of buttermilk
¼ cup of freshly squeezed orange juice
1 tablespoon of orange zest
Ingredients for glaze:
2 cups confectioners’ sugar,
1 tablespoon of unsalted butter, softened
2 tablespoons of boiling water,
½ teaspoon of vanilla
Pinch of kosher salt
Preheat your oven to 350F. Butter, flour, and line with parchment paper 1 8×3 inch cake pan. Set aside.
Sift together the flour, cocoa powder, baking powder, and salt into a large bowl. Set aside.
Using a stand mixer with a paddle attachment, beat the eggs and sugar on medium speed until very pale, about 3-5 minutes. Scrape down the sides and bottom of the bowl. Next, add the oil, buttermilk, milk, orange juice, zest. Beat on low speed until frothy, about 1 minute.
Add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients and whisk until well combined. Pour the batter into the prepared pan. Bake until the cake springs back when touched or a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean, about 45 to 50 minutes. Remove from the oven and cool on a wire rack for 10 minutes. Remove cake from pan and allow to cool completely. While the cake is cooling, make the vanilla glaze.
Directions for the glaze:
Sift the confectioners’ sugar into a medium-size bowl. Add the softened butter. Pour boiling water over butter. Whisk until the butter melts and the sugar and water come together to make a glaze. Add vanilla and a pinch of salt.
Pour the glaze over the cooled cake, spreading gently with an offset spatula if necessary. Decorate with sanding sugar or sprinkles if desired. The cake can be stored at room temperature in an air-tight container until ready to serve. Enjoy!
5 Baking Books to Check Out in 2020
Midwest Made by Shauna Sever is on all the lists right now. Her recipes come straight from the heart of America. You can get your copy here.
Weeknight Baking by Michelle Lopez, the author of the blog Hummingbird High, is a must-read for any home baker with easy and delicious recipes, as well as, suggestions for riffs to make it your own.
Looking to try something new this year or up your pastry skills? Check out Pastry School by Le Cordon Bleu. This baking book is a step by step baking guide for beginners, as well as, professionals. Check it out!
Joanne Chang is by far one of my favorite bakers. Her latest book Pastry Love is on my must-purchase list.
New to baking? Buy a copy of Beginner’s Baking Bible by Heather Perine you will become an expert in no time…or at least more capable in the world of butter, flour, and sugar.