The Colorado sun blinds Ann. The colossal Rocky Mountains frosted in bits of
snow stand in the distance. Such a tease to see them and not be able to touch
them. The land leaving the airport is brown and flat. Ugly. Ann finds this
unnerving. The flat land and muted colors are disorienting. So, unlike what she
knows, what she has always known. New England. A place she both loves and
hates, a place that holds her captive and tells her history. History and home.
Home and history. How easily they tangle together choking each other so neither
can thrive on its own. Ann notices how efficiently the train moves down the
track. It doesn’t sway or hesitate. The floor is pristine. There is not even a
hint of piss in the air. How odd. Ann adjusts the shoulder strap on
her bag and pulls out her phone. She places her hand on her suitcase handle as
if someone might take her bag. No one will. Her phone shows no messages, but Ann knows her
sister will be waiting for her.
The train comes to a stop and Ann walks off. She scans the parking lot
looking for Jane and spots her car. Jane steps out, smiles, and holds out her
arms. Ann wraps her arms around her sister’s shrunken waist and feels her
bones. How tiny she has made herself. The organs keeping her alive seem within
reach as such a thin layer of skin protects them from the outside world. Little
cracks form in Ann’s heart. She feels them growing. Ann will pretend
everything is fine. She will put on a brave face. Push through like she always
does and maybe if she is capable cry about her broken heart later. Ann doesn’t
cry much anymore these days. A helpful side effect of the Prozac she takes
daily without hesitation. Jane mentions she needs to make a stop on the
way to her house. “I have a pile of clothes to donate. The boys just keep
growing!” She seems light, which is comforting to Ann. The windows are down,
and the sunroof is open, the fresh air feels good but leaves little goose bumps
on Jane’s arm. Just as they pull into the donation center a nearby sprinkler
has gone rogue and is shooting water 15 feet into the sky. The water comes
raining down through the sunroof. Jane laughs as she drives through. Ann is
relieved to see her sister unburdened. That smile of hers so consoling. And
yet she knows this will not last for Jane and Ann feels the cracks in heart
grow.
Jerry’s Cheesecake
This is my grandmother’s cheesecake recipe which she lovingly called
“the best one”. ” It is so creamy and moist. The tanginess of the
cream cheese and cottage cheese is balanced with the addition of a slightly
sweet graham cracker crust. I like to serve this fresh strawberry sauce just as
she did.
Serves 10
Graham cracker crust recipe from
Sally’s Baking Addiction
Ingredients for cheesecake:
2 (8oz) packages of cream cheese, softened
1lb (16 oz) full-fat cottage cheese, at room temperature
1 ½ cups sugar
4 large eggs, at room temperature
3 tablespoons of cornstarch
3 tablespoons flour
4 teaspoons lemon juice
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
½ cup (8oz) butter, melted
2 cups full-fat sour cream, at room temperature
Ingredients for graham cracker crust:
1 ½ cups graham cracker crumbs or about 12 full graham crack sheets
¼ granulated sugar
6 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted.
Directions:
Using a food processor, pulse the graham cracker sheets until they are
crumbs. Add the sugar and pulse a few more times. Next, add the melted
butter and pulse until evenly combined. Remove the graham cracker mixture
from the food processor and press evenly onto the bottom and sides of a spring
form pan. Set it aside.
Preheat your oven to 325F. Using a stand mixer with a paddle
attachment beat the cream cheese and cottage cheese on high until creamy and
well combined. Gradually add the sugar. Next, add the eggs and beat
until well combined.
Reduce the speed to low and add the cornstarch, flour, lemon juice, and
vanilla. Next, add the melted butter and sour cream. Beat until
just smooth. Pour the batter into the prepared pan and bake for 80
minutes or until the edges of the cheesecake are set and look golden
brown. Turn off the oven and leave cheesecake in the oven for 2
hours. Remove the cheesecake and allow it to cool in the pan. Cover
the cheesecake with a cake lid and refrigerate for at least 4 hours or
overnight. Serve as it or, with fresh
strawberry sauce. Leftovers will last for up to 5 days but should be
kept refrigerated in an airtight container. Enjoy!
cups + spoonfuls 